Different Times Call for Updated Expressions
Once again, my continuing fascination with language forms the basis for this week’s column. Specifically, how much I enjoy screwing around with words. But, first, here is a poem I recall from my youth that many of you might remember.
Latin is a language
Dead as dead can be.
First it killed the Romans,
Now it’s killing me.
Full disclosure, I have never taken a class in Latin, although many years ago I did try to learn it on my own (possibly the worst three hours of my life). Nonetheless, just as with many of us, I use Latin fairly often as many Latin phrases came into common usage long ago. To illustrate: carpe diem, quid pro quo, and et cetera, to name but three, are all well used (and often misused) terms we hear or use very often. Agreed? I knew you would.
It occurred to me recently that some of these common Latin terms need to be updated to reflect our current worldwide situation. But, you know what? This is true for other non-English everyday phrases we use. That said, I offer the following updates for your consideration.
Replace deus ex machina (a miraculous solution to a hopeless situation) with …
deus ex vaccinum (a miraculous vaccine).
Instead of déjà vu (have I already seen this?), how about …
déjà brew (is this my second or third cup of coffee this morning?).
Ad nauseam (this discussion is making me sick) updates to …
ad rei publicae nauseum (this idiotic political argument is making me sick).
Carpe diem (seize the day) becomes …
carpe persona (seize the mask).
Quid pro quo (something for something) is now …
quid pro manducare (something for me to eat).
Et cetera (and so on) yields to …
et cetera a conquiescamus (and so on to a nap),
Persona non grata (someone not welcome) becomes …
persona sociale intervallum (someone not social distancing).
Alfresco (dining outside) morphs into …
alfredofresco (eating leftover pasta on the deck).
Bona fide (in good faith) becomes …
bona pick (I swear I’m going to get volubly argumentative with this jerk that keeps crowding me in the supermarket checkout line instead of staying back six feet).
Coup d’état (a sudden and violent seizure of power) is now …
coup d’remote (slamming your hand on the television remote to claim it so you can choose what to watch before your better half puts on the garbage they like).
Deo gratias (thankful to the deity) is now …
deo gratias gelato (thankful to the deity for ice cream)
Enfant terrible (a person with unconventional behavior) became …
infant terrible (get this kid out of the house, NOW!).
Cosa nostra (our thing; a reference to the Mafia) updates to …
cosa noideawhatfor (the things you find after finally deciding this is a good time to sort through all those boxes that have been piling up in the basement over the years).
Prima facie (something believed until proved otherwise) is now …
prima facial (Will you please shave, already? I didn’t marry a caveman!)
Savoir faire (knowing how to act appropriately in social situations) has become …
savoir fakingit (trying to master how to act civil under self-isolation).
Vis-à-vis (literally, face-to-face) is now …
vis-à-Visa (staring at the credit card bill that just came in after a month on Amazon).
Finally, Zeitgeist (the mood of a period of historical time) will now be known as …
hindzeitgeist (one day we will look back on this pandemic and marvel at how we survived it).
This week’s Street Advertising Smile:
