Stay in relationship even in disagreement and respect one another’s points of view
Our fifth tenet is important not only within the SUUS family, but in our everyday interactions with others. The two key words in the tenet are “relationship” and “respect.” Even though each one of us could define these words, let’s review what the dictionary states.
Relationship: The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
When we talk about staying in relationship, we’re reminding ourselves about the connections we s
hare. Besides the obvious connection of being members of SUUS, we are further connected by our camaraderie, appreciation of and support for many social causes, personal friendships, and acceptance of the seven principles of Unitarian Universalism, the first of which is “the inherent worth and dignity of every person.” Built into that principle is the definition of respect:
Respect: Due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.
Nonetheless, we are human and therefore subject to disagreement on subjects small (e.g., which is the best hymn in the hymnal) and large (e.g., politics, economics). While we can, and usually do, have these discussions with open minds and acceptance of the other person’s views, there are times when the tone of our disagreements escalates into anger and bitterness toward the other person. Such tone then carries beyond the discussion, often to the point where friends cease to be friends and speak negatively about the other person. Worse, yet, is when there is no discussion at all and the offended person talks negatively behind the other person’s back.
We need to be vigilant about both the relationship we share and respecting people with whom we disagree. We also need to address issues directly with those persons, and not by complaining to others or keeping the conflicting issue to ourselves. Nothing good ever comes from an infection left untreated, and not dealing with someone directly, openly, and honestly about a problem is just that: an infection.
My mother used to say that there were three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth. That is an adage worth remembering. A final thought on this subject comes from something a friend recently sent to me.
6 + 3 = 9
But so does 5 + 4
The way you do things is not always the
only way to do them.
Respect other peoples’ ways of thinking.
We always work best when we work together, aware of others’ feelings and perspectives. This is exactly what the fifth tenet is saying.
Mike Rosen, Covenant Tenders Committee