Thoughts from the Insiders
With the novel coronavirus pandemic, life changed for all of us. And while there’s a strong desire for things to return to the way they were, some things likely will never be the same again. But one thing, at least, will never change: humor. Humor has always been, and will always be, one of our primary weapons for fighting the emotional drain of negative situations. This pandemic is no exception.
This week, I share with you a gleaning of some posts I’ve read, one-liners I’ve heard, and thoughts of my own that have mostly come about as the result of being sheltered-in-place for all this time. Remember: It never hurts to smile.
“While we’ve been alone for so long, my wife and I have caught up on everything I’ve done wrong for the past 15 years.”
“I’m having a quarantine party this weekend! None of you are invited.”
“I sure hope this virus gets cleared up before tick season, or we’ll all be having Corona with Lyme.”
“In Germany they’ve been hoarding sausage and cheese. It’s the wurst käse scenario.”
“All I can think about now when I’m watching any TV show or movie is why isn’t anyone wearing a mask, and how everyone is standing WAY too close together.”
“You think you’re bored? It was during the Great Plague of London when Sir Isaac Newton invented calculus while at home. Just imagine how bored you’d have to be to invent calculus.”
“It’s been really difficult to end phone, FaceTime, and Zoom calls with people I don’t like or meetings I don’t want to be part of. It’s not like I can say, ‘Sorry, but I’ve gotta run.'”
“I used to spin that toilet paper roll like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.”
“Grocery shopping has become a real-life version of Pac-Man. Avoid everyone, get the fruit, and take any route possible to avoid conflict.”
“So far, 2020 has been like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane.”
“My wife and I have been playing this fun game during quarantine. It’s called, ‘Why Are You Doing It That Way?’ So far there are no winners, but there are two really annoyed contestants.”
“This is the first time ever when we can save the human race by staying at home and watching television. Don’t screw this up, people!”
“When we come out of this and I ask you where you want to eat, I do NOT want to hear, ‘I don’t know.’ YOU HAD MONTHS TO DECIDE!
“My car probably thinks I’m cheating on it with a rental.”
“Quarantine Day 1: I have stocked up on enough non-perishable food and supplies, as well as jammed full my refrigerator and storage freezers with fish, meat, poultry, and frozen fruits and vegetables, to last until this pandemic is over. Quarantine Day 2: Went to the supermarket to buy a Twix.”
“Due to the massive increase in deliveries and the stress related to them, Federal Express and UPS have merged. The new company will be known as Fed-Up.”
“Hormel Foods made their first batch of SPAM in 1937. With everyone out shopping and hoarding food, Hormel announced they will be making their second batch later this week.”
“Can someone give me a rough estimate when the quarantine will be over? Because if it’ll be this summer, I’ve got to lose some weight. But if it’s the fall, why bother?”
“Due to my isolation, I finished three books yesterday. And believe me, that’s a lot of coloring!”
“Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.”
“Homeschooling, Day 8: How do I get this kid transferred out of my class?”
“Is anyone else getting a tan from the light in their refrigerator?”
“I hope the weather will be nice tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda.”
“’Do we HAVE to go on another walk?” – My dog.”
“Tonight, my husband and I are going to put a glass of wine in every room in the house and then do a bar crawl.”
“Mommy put on her nice leggings. I guess she’s going to the mailbox.”
“What time do you change out of your daytime pajamas into your nighttime pajamas?”
“Now I understand why pets try to run out of the house whenever the door opens.”
“I miss being late to everything.”
“In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years, I now yell at my parents for going out.”
And, finally,
“It’s been very interesting being home alone with my wife for three months. She seems like a nice person.”
This week’s Street Advertising Smile: 