Oh, Yummy. . .
Having survived the 2020 election online battles between the ignorant and the foolish, I wasn’t surprised when a new battleground was formed. Fortunately, this one was far more substantial in the depth of its importance and long-range ramifications than something as trivial as a U.S. presidential election. This one began when Person A posted on social media that anyone who condoned pineapple on pizza should be forbidden from ever again interacting with others, and Person B responded with a suggested physical counter proposal that Person A would have found impossible to perform. (While I am editing what was said in consideration of your tender sensibilities, I’m certain you get the drift.)
Person C chimed in with their having once had Spam on pizza, and it tasted pretty darn good to her. This led Persons A and B away from their argument to focus on this interloper who, according to them, required vilification. Before long, Persons D through Quintuple Z chimed in and yours truly sat back in amused amazement. This might very well have been the inanest exchange of opinions I have ever witnessed, and I have witnessed (and participated in, I fear) more than a few.
While many claim pizza began in ancient times as flatbread topped with oil and herbs, many sources cite the birthplace of pizza as we know it today being Naples sometime in the 1700s. It was something that the hoi polloi—especially the poorer members–found easy and inexpensive to make and eat, while the upper crust (intentional pun; forgive me) looked down their noses on such a meager comestible. And what did the common folk enjoy on their pizzas? Oil, garlic, tomatoes, anchovies, and cheese were most popular (and most readily available). Clearly, not unlike the pizza we enjoy today.
Jumping ahead a few centuries to the here and now, in the United States of America (according to a couple of sources I found) the most common toppings for pizza are pepperoni, sausage, mushrooms, onion, green pepper, and extra cheese. Pineapple? Spam? As my sainted grandmother would have said, “fuhgedaboddit!” As you are more than likely aware, Americans also enjoy topping their pizzas with mushrooms, hot peppers, barbecue-sauced chicken, meatballs, bacon, clams, shrimps, olives, spinach, and so on, and so on. Each and every one guaranteed to have its fans and foes.
So how to stop the ridiculous battles over whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza? Simple solution: Post online what folks in other countries like on their pizzas and watch the verbal flame throwing begin. Here now I offer you a few pizza hand grenades to toss into the fray. Begin your tossing them with some favorite toppings from these countries:
1. In India, folks enjoy their pizzas with pickled ginger, minced mutton, paneer (a variation of cottage cheese), tofu, and tikka (for the unfamiliar, tikka is chicken marinated in a spicy yogurt sauce).
2. Russians enjoy their pizzas served cold, topped with mockba (a combination of tuna, sardines, salmon, mackerel, red herring, and onions—is your mouth watering yet?).
3. If the Girl from Ipanema ever notices her pining admirer, he may take her out for a pizza covered with green peas, corn, raisins, hearts of palm, and/or hard-boiled eggs.
4. Our Japanese friends find the most delicious pizzas are topped with Eel, squid, and Mayo Jaga (a mixture of mayonnaise, potato, and bacon). They also like pizza with teriyaki chicken, which isn’t that far a cry from the barbecued chicken some Americans favor on their pies.
5. A very popular French pizza displays tarte flambée, which consists of bacon, onion, and fresh cream.
6. Very often, pizza in Germany is topped with canned tuna (sometimes combined with other ingredients).
7. A favorite Swedish pizza has peanuts, chicken, bananas, pineapple, and curry powder. Another favored topping is caribou (“Rudolph, the red-nosed pizza …”)
9. Australians like a breakfast pizza with ham, bacon, and eggs (which, in full disclosure, I have had and found to be really quite tasty). Later in the day they might order a pizza topped with kangaroo, emu, or crocodile.
Want to know which of these is the grossest and worst topping(s) for pizza? That’s a very easy question to answer—it’s the one you like the least. And that, my friends, is the end of the Battle of Pizza Toppings.
Having now proven my incredible prowess at diplomacy, I think I’ll go online and post something benign, engaging, and uplifting. Something such as, “Everyone with any taste knows that Pepsi is far superior to Coca-Cola.” I wonder if I’ll see any responses . . .
This week’s Street Advertising Smile:
